Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
its not stalking. its research.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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