3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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