awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
