Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
