I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
