If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
