bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
