Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize