Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
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