his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
