where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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