its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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