This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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