Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
