She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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