the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
