Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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