just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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