The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
