Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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