oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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