I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I am available for nakedness
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
