I think i peed on brittanys purse
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
