She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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