dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
