Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
