Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
So here I am, sexting at work.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
