You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
