I wish I could teleport
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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