when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
