i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
