i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
