I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
