Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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