How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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