Will you blow on my dice?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
