Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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