I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
