when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
