Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
