she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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