Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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