Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
