I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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