Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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