i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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