Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
