btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
