I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
