How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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