Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
