how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
