she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
