Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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