I hate all girls vehemently.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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