He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
where am i from again
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
