The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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