I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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