I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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