some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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