how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
