apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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