not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
