She's JV to your varsity
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize