Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i will never coherently bang her
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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