I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize