when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
