Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
