I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
