1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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