I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
