what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
