Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
