She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize