Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
