just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize