Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
