We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
