hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
