I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So many bounce houses so little time
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
