whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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