Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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