i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
