Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
