He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
