there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
