I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Is Oprah even human
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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