We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
