Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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