Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Randomize
