at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
