Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
