3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
