woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
