I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
